losing the battle against DNA

the older i get, the less inclined i am to contribute to the gene pool.

i say to myself, "but raena, you are kind of a neat gal. what about passing on your good looks, sense of humor and intellect?"

and then i say "whoooaaa there, self! there is a whole laundry list of things i would NOT want to pass on to my offspring. don't you get me started." but i am already "started", and now i endeavor to document said list on the internet so that the rest of humanity who question my biological decisions now have a static reference. ahem.

• bunions. though not life-threatening, or even that bothersome or painful, they aren't pretty in flip-flops.
• astigmatism. by reason of annoyance.
• cellulite. though i share this trait with 98% of all women, so it's not quite unique to my genes.
• long division. ok, that doesn't have anything to do with genetics, but i remember having to do manual long division in 2nd grade and cursing my parents for my existence. i'd hate for my kid to have to go through that.
• fevers. whenever exciting things were happening, i'd come down with a 24hr fever. and have to miss the exciting things. (i.e., field day at school, christmas party, talent show, etc.)
• low tolerance for annoying people, places, things, and situations. don't know if this is nature or nurture, but i definitely get this from my dad.
• deviated septum. NOT a fun surgery.

ok, it's not an exhaustive list, but i am now exhausted so i'm throwing in the towel. and if i WERE to have a boobie snatcher, i'd want it to be either a) an asian baby or b) a ginger baby. seeing how i'm not attracted to asian or red-headed men, that might be a problem.

so.

these be my reasons. i now hold your oaths fulfilled. this is where your . . like . . soul can be at peace.